Grab Your Shot Glasses + Get Ready for the Lance Armstrong Drinking Game
Disgraced cyclist Lance Armstrong‘s much-anticipated interview with Oprah Winfrey will finally air on Thursday and Friday night, during which he’s expected to admit that performance-enhancing drugs were a big part of his storied career.
In response, humanity has decided to create drinking games inspired by his shameful ways. It’s what we as a species do best.
While Armstrong is admitting his sins, many will join together and drink in celebration of his shame. We hope hospital ERs are ready.
Drunk Cyclist has the most comprehensive version of one possible drinking game, which involves shotgunning beers, taking shots and snorting salt depending on how the interview goes.
For example, the writers say you should drink whenever the words “cancer,” “hope” and “regret” are mentioned, or if Armstrong “blinks two or more times before responding” to one of O’s questions.
For more of an endurance-based challenge, “Begin drinking at the first sign of tears forming in Lance Armstrong’s cold, dead eyes, and continue to drink until he stops crying.”
The Roar has an entire checklist of various drinking options, which include taking a shot for each Livestrong bracelet spotted, and finishing your drink or taking a penalty shot if Armstrong blames his drug use on the CIA, the French or “the lizard people.”
Meanwhile, BuzzFeed has a much less practical game planned, with rules like, “Strip off an article of clothing whenever the phrase ‘stripped of Tour de France titles’ is used” and “If Lance cries, use a syringe to inject yourself with wine.”
The Guardian has also crafted an interactive board based on words it expects to crop up during the interview: “sorry,” “compose myself” and “rock bottom.”
The two-part special will air on the OWN network Jan. 17 from 9:30 to 10:00 p.m. EST and Jan. 18 from 9:00 to 10:00 p.m. EST. It will also live-stream on Oprah.com.
And as always: Please remember to drink responsibly while mocking Lance Armstrong and his sullied career.