"I think when it's all over, it just comes back in flashes, you know? Like a kaleidoscope of memories. It just all comes back ... but he never does."

So begins Taylor Swift's 'I Knew You Were Trouble' video. But wait! It gets even deeper!

The singer wakes up with pink dip-dyed hair outside on the ground after what looks like the Coachella from Hell.

With a serious abundance of awkwardly-timed dramatic pauses, Swift - whose life is like so hard - laments and reflects on what was probably an approximately three-month relationship.

"I think part of me knew from the second I saw him that this would happen. It's not really anything he said or anything he did. It was ... the feeling that came along with it," Swift sighs. "And the crazy thing is, I don't know if I'm ever going to feel that way again ... and I don't know if I should."

Chances are, you shouldn't, T-Swizzle. Because your feelings are usually irrational and overcome with need.

She continued, because she's really learned in all this. "I knew his world moved too fast and burned too bright," she moans. "But I just thought ... how can the devil be pulling you towards someone who looks so much like an angel when he smiles at you? Maybe he knew that when saw me ... I guess I just lost my balance ... I think that the worst part of it all wasn't losing him ... It was losing me."

Then the actual music begins (you can hear that in the video below), which may or may not give you a headache depending on how much you like dubstep and hearing "twubba / twubba / twubba" ad nauseum.

We see Swift and a guy, reportedly based on John Mayer (and played by Reeve Carney, who dated fellow Joe Jonas ex Ashley Greene) doing all sorts of "bad boy" things: rocking fedoras (you rebel!), making out in restaurants (hey, life imitates art!), sharing a small hotel room (scandalous, Swifty!) and -- gasp! -- playing pool and fighting.

When the Mayer doppelganger makes out with another girl, that's just too naughty, even for Taylor, who seems to have attended the Kristen Stewart School of Acting -- occasional smiles breaking up otherwise incessant overbitten scowls.

She closes with one of her signature puddle-deep life lessons: "I don't know if you know who you are until you lose who you are." Or until you lose something else.

Get your mind out of the gutter -- we were talking about the six minutes we spent watching this.