10 Surefire Ways to End Up on Santa’s Naughty List in Abilene Texas

Alright, Abilene, Texas, let’s have a little fun with a huge emphasis on fun because this is purely hypothetical and meant for laughs. If Santa’s watching Abilene (and let’s be honest… he is), here’s how to absolutely guarantee you end up on the Naughty List faster than you can say “Ho Ho Nope.”

How to Get on Santa’s Naughty List in Abilene, Texas

(A Completely Bad Idea Guide)

While most Texans are minding their manners, spreading cheer, and pretending they didn’t re-gift that candle, there’s always a brave (or reckless) few willing to roll the dice with Jolly Old Saint Nick. If that’s you, again, hypothetically, here are some sure-fire ways to make Santa shake his head and write your name down in permanent Sharpie.

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Stealing the Cows on the Winters Freeway

Those fake cows hanging out near South 14th and the Winters Freeway are basically Abilene landmarks at this point. Yes, one’s been stolen before. No, it didn’t end well. Swipe a cow, and you’re not just on Santa’s Naughty List, you’re probably meeting the police and explaining why you thought this was a good idea.

Announcements on the Walmart Intercom

Sure, every checkout lane has a mic. No, that does not mean it’s open mic night. Making weird noises or fake announcements might earn laughs from your friends, but Santa’s giving you the side-eye from the sleigh.

Be a Porch Pirate

Stealing packages off someone’s porch is a fast-track ticket to the Naughty List and the county jail. Santa hates thieves. Also, cameras are everywhere. Just don’t.

Ruin the Abilene Murals

Abilene is home to some really impressive murals that many local artists have painted. Defacing any of these fine art pieces is not only a crappy thing to do, but you'll land right smack dab in the middle of Santa's naughty list.

Flipping the One-Way Signs in Downtown Abilene

Downtown Abilene already confuses enough people. Messing with one-way signs could mess up traffic, Santa’s sleigh route, and your freedom. Also… super illegal.

Mess With the Pink Flamingo at T&P Depot

That giant pink flamingo isn’t just a selfie spot; it celebrates kids and creativity. Mess with it and you’re officially beefing with Santa and children. Bold move. Bad move.

Put Soap in the Fountain at the Train Depot

That fountain is peaceful. Santa likes peace. If you turn it into a bubble party, you’re messing with Santa’s vibe, and that never ends well. Besides, the city of Abilene has it drained at the moment.

Do Donuts in the Abilene Police Department's Parking Lot

Police officers may love donuts. They do not love car donuts. Especially in their own parking lot. Santa will watch you get a ticket and nod approvingly.

Paint the Buffalo at Frontier Texas

That buffalo has seen things. Painting it with graffiti will make Santa deploy the elves — and not the nice ones. Naughty List. Immediately.

Bad Driving Habits

Failing to use your turn signal. Cutting people off. Treating stop signs like suggestions. Santa hates bad driving. He helped inspire those “stupid things Abilene drivers do” lists, after all.

Abilene Naughty List Disclaimer: Don’t Actually Try This at Home

Let’s be crystal clear; do not actually do any of this. Seriously. This whole list is for laughs only. These are dumb, illegal, or flat-out rude things that could get you fined, arrested, or permanently banished from Santa’s nice side.

Be cool. Be kind. Use your turn signal like a functioning adult.

Santa’s watching… and yeah, he keeps receipts.