Alexandra Capotorto in the business of writing pop culture-y stuff for two reasons: Britney Spears and Johnny Depp, one to befriend, the other to reproduce with. Figure that out yourselves. Her friends have dubbed her their official "Walking Encyclopedia of Celebrity Knowledge," which she thrives on and abuses to not-so-subconsciously inflate her own ego. Her only regret in life is not getting to E! before Giuliana Rancic and Chelsea Handler, because the latter essentially stole her identity - but they're cool now. Kind of. She's convinced that she could simultaneously win 'The Voice' and an Academy Award in a one year time period, given her fantastic shower-singing and ability to over-dramatize everything, but she'll settle for being a writer. Key word being "settle." She's sarcastic and witty, and takes nothing and no one seriously. She recites lines from movies mid-conversation much to the dismay of her "friends" - but at least she gives them someone to talk about afterward. Most importantly, she holds a B.A. in Print Journalism from Quinnipiac University, but only because her parents forced her to go. She would've preferred slumming it in Beverly Hills as Britney Spears' assistant/BFF.
Alexandra Capotorto
So Donald Trump Is Giving Relationship Advice to Robert Pattinson Now
Between his never-ending bloviating and his categorically awful weave, Donald Trump may well hold the record for eliciting the most simultaneous eye rolls from the general public. And no one is safe from his asinine opinions -- not the President, not the Royal Family, and certainly not Robert Pattinson.
Joaquin Phoenix Doesn’t Want Your Bourgeois Awards But Hey, Thanks Anyway
Joaquin Phoenix picked up a Best Actor award at the Venice Film Festival about a month ago, but lest you think he's all about the shiny baubles, we assure you he's not.
In fact, he thinks vying for awards is the "stupidest thing in the whole world," proving he hasn't read much lately about Lindsay Lohan or the Kardashians or 'Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.'
Hulk Hogan May Not Have Been Heather Clem’s Only On-Camera Celebrity Conquest
As we deal with the reality that a woman would willingly get naked with Hulk Hogan and make a sex tape to commemorate the occasion, we're almost tempted to thank Heather Clem for taking one for the team.
But as it turns out, Hogan may not have been her only notable on-camera conquest.
Cue the 'Law & Order' chung chung.
Justin Timberlake + Jessica Biel Could be Married by Monday
Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel are reportedly saying arrivederci to single life this weekend -- and tying the knot in Italy.
Today in Celebrity Wombs: Megan Fox Transforms Into a Mother
It's official -- Megan Fox is now a MILF.
The 'Transformers' actress and her husband, '90210' actor Brian Austin Green (yeah, we're not sure how that happened either), welcomed a baby boy named Noah Shannon Green on Sept. 27.
John Mayer + Katy Perry May Be the Most Boring Couple Ever [PHOTO]
It looks as though Katy Perry is still on that disastrous trip-to-nowhere known as dating John Mayer. The on-again, off-again, on-again couple were spotted out on Tuesday night dining in New York City for Mayer's 35th birthday.
But anyone expecting drunken antics or a messy public break-up was sadly disappointed.
Emily Maynard + Jef Holm Break Up, Help ‘The Bachelorette’ Maintain Its Record of Failure
In the least surprising news of the day, Emily Maynard and Jef Holm of 'The Bachelorette' have called it quits just three months after they got engaged on the show, making them the eleventy-millionth couple from the franchise to go belly-up.
Kanye West Snaps After Paparazzo Asks About Reggie Bush [PHOTOS]
Kanye West and Kim Kardashian -- dressed in something demure, as usual -- were out and about in Miami on Sunday night when they had a near run-in with her ex, football player Reggie Bush, and his newly-pregnant girlfriend.
And because the paparazzi recognize an explosive (read: lucrative) situation when they see it, they poked a few sticks in the cage. You know, just for fun.
Journey Guitarist Neal Schon Proposes to White House Gate-Crasher Michaele Salahi [VIDEO]
It's a tale as old as time: Girl meets boy, girl marries other boy and achieves cheap tawdry fame on a reality show, then girl goes back to the first boy and gets a marriage proposal on stage.
‘Fresh Prince of Bel Air’ Star Alfonso Ribeiro Ties the Knot
Sorry, ladies, everyone's favorite preppy cousin is off the market. We're just hoping Alfonso Ribeiro did his famous "Carlton dance" down the aisle.
Demi Moore Is Unhappy About Ashton + Mila Hookup. Because Duh.
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned -- and even pretty MILFs like Demi Moore are no exception to the rule.
A lot of people were surprised when it became clear that Moore's soon-to-be-ex-husband Ashton Kutcher is swapping spit with former 'That '70s Show' co-star Mila Kunis, but -- horny guys of various persuasions aside -- no one took the news quite as hard as Demi.
Lindsay + Dina Lohan’s Brawl Possibly Sparked by Unpaid Loan
Maybe Lindsay Lohan wasn't in a drunken stupor after all.
After the brawl LiLo had with her mom Dina Lohan the other night that required a visit from her besties over at 911, the truth about mama Lohan's financial woes -- which may have triggered the brouhaha -- is finally coming to light.